FafWhat?
by The Mouse of Anon
Summary: This is what happens when a character doesn't get enough love, and his name keeps on getting mangled. Fafnir complains to X and hilarity ensues. A Four Guardians fic. Warning: name mangling abounds.


Faf-What?

By, The Mouse of Anon

©May 12, 2009

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Megaman/X/Zero/NT related except whatever bizarre stories I come up with. Therefore don't sue me and we'll get along just fine.

Author's Note: The four guardians of the Megaman Zero series just don't get enough love. To that end, this is my contribution to Fafnir's portion of it. Yes, you read right, _Fafnir_. Not 'Fefnir'. Why? Because Fafnir's name has been misspelled on this site to the point where he's even listed incorrectly. (It's true- check the character category for Fafnir. You'll find him listed under 'Fighting Fefnir'.) Now you may think that I'm going overboard on this, but the fact of the matter is that 'Fefnir' is not a name. I guarantee you that if you look into legitimate names online; you will not find 'Fefnir' in the lot. 'Fafnir' on the other hand, you will find. It's an old Nordic name- and if you look it up you'll find it. It's that thought that spawned this bizarre little fic, as well as the hilarity that ensues. So enjoy, review, and with any luck his name won't be as horribly mangled… unlike what I did.

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Fafnir scowled. It was another day, another paper (among the millions) that he had to sign off on; and yet another horrible mangling of his name. It wasn't as if he was unused to such errors. Any system like the one in Neo Arcadia was guaranteed to have its errors and problems from time to time, _but really!_ Was it necessary that his name be horribly mangled in the paperwork _every day_?

'_Fefnir_' he could forgive. '_Fifnar_' he viewed as stupid, but understandable. He could even tolerate something as ludicrous as _'Fufnir'_. But '_Foofnir'_? '_Poofnir_'? Or even '_Fifenair'_? Utterly ridiculous! Not to mention downright intolerable! _Phantom_ didn't have to deal with this sort of name-mangling; and neither did Harpuia or Leviathan! But Fafnir? No, it happened not every now-and-then as was the case with his siblings; but instead _every_ day. And that wasn't an exaggeration.

Now had he been a less reasonable person, Fafnir would have blown up about the whole ordeal long since. Instead he had been patient; turning back such error-ridden papers to be corrected for months at a time. The errors hadn't ceased. If anything, in some cases they had gotten progressively worse as they were shuttled back and forth between the dark-skinned reploid and whatever fools had written the document. '_Fuknear_' had been one rather notable example that had turned Fafnir almost as red as the stripes on his face. To say the least he was becoming somewhat paranoid about the whole thing.

Taking the offensive paper from his desk, this one bearing the name of some non-existent poor bastard called '_Faifnewt_', he stalked out of his office and made a bee-line for X's personal chambers. If anyone would take him seriously about the problem of his mangled name, it would be the leader of Neo Arcadia (who coincidentally he called 'Father'). Fortunately X was in rather than off at one of the numerous meetings that were continuously inflicted upon him. Phantom arched an eyebrow at Fafnir's obvious temper, but made no move to prevent the usually easy-going reploid from entering into X's greeting-chamber.

X sat in one of his more comfortable chairs, likely pondering over something that Schilt or one of the others had said judging by the dark look on his face. The moment he was aware of Fafnir's presence all traces of his troubled expression disappeared to at first be replaced by joy at seeing his most affectionate son, and then concern as he took in Fafnir's sour mood. "Fafnir, what's the matter?"

With a scowl, Fafnir handed over the offending piece of flattened-tree-pulp. "They mangled my name _again_. This is the fifteenth time this week! And it's only Tuesday!"

"I'm sure they're not doing it deliberately…"

Fafnir snorted. He was rarely sharp with his father, so it showed how infuriated he was that he even approached being rude. "I'm _convinced_ they're doing it deliberately. I mean, come _on_! '_Faifnewt_'?! How can anybody get 'Faifnewt' out of 'Fafnir'?"

X paused for a moment, considering how best to handle his distraught son. "Then I suppose it best if you send it back while informing them that no such person exists."

"I've tried that. It gets worse. I'm honestly beginning to think that they're biased against me."

X blinked. "What?"

"Phantom doesn't get this crap. Harpuia doesn't get this crap. Hell, even Leviathan doesn't get this crap and she has the longest name out of the four of us. No, instead it happens almost entirely to me. The worst _they_ have to deal with is 'Umbrella Fantem', 'Saj Harpya', and 'Furrie Levaton'. What do I get? 'Fluknoof'! 'Phonir'! 'Faraphnor'! I even get 'Fighing Fuknear'! They're biased damn it!"

Had X been younger he likely would have blushed in sympathy at the last. Still, he couldn't help feeling that Fafnir was being a touch… unreasonable. "Why do you think they're biased? What reason could anybody have to possibly single you out?"

"Hell if I know. For all I know I'm getting all of this crap because of my dark skin." Fafnir paused as if struck with a sudden and thoroughly unsettling epiphany. "…Come to think of it… I _am_ one of the only dark skinned reploids in Neo Arcadia… Aside from the judges anyway, but they don't count. They could do something if someone was doing something bigoted against them, but me… I'm an easy target and they're probably being bigoted bastards because of my skin-tone!"

X stared at Fafnir for a few long minutes before saying, "I don't think they're being racist against you Fafnir…"

"Then how do you explain those bastards coming up with the insane number of ways they screw up my name? I've counted _27_ different manglings. Twenty-seven! They're biased!"

"…Fafnir, I love you, but you're over-reacting. Do you honestly think I would have allowed that sort of behavior in Neo Arcadia if I could prevent it?"

"…Well, no…"

"And do you think anyone would be so petty as to mangle your name due to being _racist_?"

"…Okay, you have a point; but why else would they do it so damn often? It happens every day!"

X gave a smile, knowing that he was sentencing the poor fools in the mailing department to an ungodly amount of grief and ranting from his most rambunctious child. "Simple: they like the reaction." It was only after Fafnir stalked off to give them the talking to that they deserved that X allowed himself a chuckle. It was rare to see Fafnir so flustered; and truth be told, while it was cruel what had been done to him, even a pacifist like X had to admit that it had been funny.

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